Overdue
First I wasn’t ready
Felt scared at the thought
I’m not ready
Then started packing my suitcase
Started reading
Started practicing breathing
Starting focusing
It’s not fun to be overdue
Planning for nothing
Made someone sleep over all 3 days for nothing
No guests for nothing
Packed candles etc for nothing
Almost had Goy sleep over for 3 days so I can get out of house
Stomach ache
Nope it wasn’t labor
Ppl see me - you’re still here?
Feel like I’m disappointing ppl
Sleeping to have strength
Ready for labour
Then tired again
Slowly unpacking the suitcase
Ready
Husband davened early for nothing till 6am
Did everything early
Always need to be on call
Can’t make any plans
All plans are plan b
Living minute by minute
Need to be ready to welcome baby
But then I’m ready
Baby is ready
But HaShem is not ready
HaShem knows the right time
Kids are waiting impatiently
I’m disappointing them
They can’t wait for me to have the baby already
They come home from shul
The baby is still inside
Do you feel anything
When will the door open
Feel signs think maybe it’s starting
Nope
It’s not it
Each morning wake up
Realised another night passed and nothing happened
I hope I won’t need to get induced
I’m not scared anymore
I want to meet my baby already
I’m ready
I start to get busy with other things
But every day fact is I’m closer
Baby is still kicking
Still coming
Baby will come
Matter of time
We are overdue
Once you’re overdue
Hyper focused on birth
Nothing to do about it
We are now way over due
Still need to be ready every day
What’s holding back
Why isn’t baby coming already
HaShem wants to tell me something
Everyone is waiting
Not just me
Make challah early
Teach kallah crash course in 1 day, not next week
Then teach her next day
Story of father who was upset son wasted money cuz paid 3 years in advance
What to make of it
Maybe I miscalculated my due date
Is this a good way to live
On edge
How long can we live like this
I’m not so ready
Thinking what is baby waiting for?
Continue being wife mother Shlucha
First time no sleeping guests and meal guests
Guests checking in with me
I had to tell ppl this time
Ppl asking to come for Shabbos
Calling and texting
Contrast to corona baby
Started feeling depressed
Worried
Will I ever go into labor naturally
Is my baby safe
Maybe I miscalculated
Ppl asked when I due I better answer I don’t know
I really don’t know
Ok I’ll make an appointment
Took 2 more kallahs
Start to expect it less
Start to make more plans
Don’t want to feel foolish
I answer I’m waiting -
For baby and for moshiach
Kids expecting less
Accepted the fact that we don’t know when
How long can we live on edge
I didn’t order lavender cus thought it would come too late
Difference -
Is that birth I trust HaShem knows best time
Listening to shaar habitachon
And Geulah - HaShem wants us to demand it and speed it up
Now I start hoping I will go into labour
I’m not scared of labour anymore
I’m scared of not going into labour
Totally in Hashem’s hands
Birth is such a Miracle
Take for granted that door begins to open when baby is ready
It’s a huge miracle from HaShem
Tracht gut vet zein gut- think good
Relax
I’m in hashems hands
There is no rush
He knows when is the perfect שעה טובה for this baby
Only He knows
Miri came to check if I had the baby
The next day she already didn’t check
Klein - ah you still didn’t have the baby?
I wish we could have an ultrasound of moshiach
Feel the movements
Know what’s going on
תמים תהיה עם ה אלוקיך
No ultrasound no gps
If baby is distress than let him out
Not safe to wait indefinitely
Worst case c section
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