Day 23/30 - *We Are Enough!*

 A while ago, I was discussing my parenting struggles with a wise friend. 

I was sharing that I could pretty much figure out how to deal with any one child at a time, but the part that gets really stressful is when all the kids need me at once…

For example, when I pick them up from school after a long day, and they each want my full attention right away, so that they can tell me about the ups and downs of their day… That’s where I get overwhelmed! That’s where it feels impossible! 

She asked me, 

“So do you feel that there really needs to be five of you? That what your kids really need is for you to clone yourself and give each of them your full undivided attention all the time?” 

Of course that sounded ridiculous! 

And so I suddenly had this paradigm shift!

No! My kids do NOT each need to have their own mother! No, I did not do any injustice to my kids by giving them siblings! 

If Hashem wants us to have big families, then it means that it’s HEALTHY for kids to grow up with brothers and sisters, and to share their parents’ time and attention with however many siblings! 

It means that whatever I am able to give them, IS enough for them! 

I am not meant to be a magician/Wonder Woman/ miracle worker! I am not meant to multiply myself or have 100 hours in my day!

The amount of time I have is enough for the amount of kids that I have, and is enough for all of their needs! 

The fact that until now they FELT that they weren’t getting enough is only because they were reflecting MY own feelings! 

And so the moment that I stop feeling guilty, and instead, start feeling fully confident that I am giving them ENOUGH, and that it’s perfectly normal and healthy for them to be patient and take turns and figure certain things out on their own - 

Then they will immediately feel the same! 

And Baruch HaShem it was amazing to see how true this realisation was! How quickly the kids picked up on my new attitude and reflected my new belief! 

***

And I realised, the same is true about bringing Moshiach! 

We need to stop (subconsciously) expecting ourselves to be superwoman and do the impossible!

We need to stop assuming that the fact that we don’t yet see Moshiach, proves that we are not yet deserving! 

We need to stop believing that we have not yet done “enough” to bring Moshiach! 

*Because WHO decides how much is ENOUGH?*

Yes, The Rebbe told us to do all that we can to bring Moshiach! 

But the Rebbe told us to do all that we CAN - not to do what we can’t! Not to do the impossible! 

And the Rebbe said to do all that WE can - not to worry about what others are doing, or not doing…

And we have already done all we can!!!

The fact that we have not done more is because we are human! 

Hashem KNOWS all the reasons why we haven’t done more! He knows all the reasons why we haven’t done better!

He’s the One who set us up that way! 

He’s the One who gave us a yetzer hara and created us with imperfections! 

He knows that we have done the best that we could -

With the tools that we had, 

With the knowledge that we had,

With the time that we had, 

With the inner strength that we had…

So maybe it’s US who need to do the forgiving!

Maybe the moment that WE stop feeling guilty, and instead, start feeling fully confident that we have fulfilled our Shlichus to the best of our ability, considering all the surrounding circumstances…

Maybe THAT is the moment when Hashem will immediately reflect the same! 

‎דע מה למעלה - ממך! 

Know that what goes on above, depends on you! 

Maybe the Heavenly court is waiting for US to rule that we are deserving!

We may not be Rabbanim, but we are still part of the Beis Din Shel Mata. 

Our thoughts and our words still have power! 

And we can still make our own ruling! 

The Rebbe already announced that we finished Avodas Habirueim, that we already did teshuva, that we already had enough Mesiras nefesh, that we already had ahavas chinam…

The Rebbe was already “Dan lechaf zechus” that it’s not our fault  when we give up searching…

So maybe what’s left is for US to agree! 

For US to recognise our own merits! 

For US to decide that we are not guilty, and that we don’t need any more zechusim…

For us to confidently tell both ourselves and Hashem that YES, 

We ARE worthy!!!

We ARE good enough!!!

We HAVE done enough!!!

We HAVE completed our Shlichus!! 

We ARE ready!!! 

& We demand Moshiach NOW - 

BEFORE this Yud Aleph Nissan!

Day 22/30 - *Should I Wake Up my Doula?

 After my last Moshiach thought about daring to believe that Moshiach is REALLY about to come… I was reminded of my labors and the differences between them… 

By my 4th labor, It was my first time doing hypnobirthing, and because of that, it was extra confusing for me. I wasn’t experiencing any pain, and so I wasn’t sure if it was real labor or not?

I really didn’t want to wake up my doula for nothing! She was just doing me a big last minute favor to come along with me, and I would feel so uncomfortable if it turned out to just be practice!

And even if it was real labor, maybe I could wait a few more hours until morning, and this way she could have strength for the big day ahead? I knew she’s the type that really needs her sleep… and it would be hard for her kids too. How could I know how much more time I had left? 

I also didn’t want to wake up my husband yet for the same reason… 

So thanks to the time difference, I called my mother in New York instead, to ask her what she thinks, and of course she wisely told me that, yes! I should definitely wake up my doula!! Because even if it doesn’t turn out to be “real” this time, and even if it will take a long time until my actual birth - it’s better to be safe than sorry!! Better to wake up the doula an extra time, than to end up giving birth without a doula at all… 

And not just for me - even she would feel bad about it, and ask why I didn’t tell her?!

So I did wake up my doula, and again felt uncomfortable when she started asking me if I’m sure it’s real? And if I’m sure it’s close? Because how could I be sure?! 

It took strength to tell her that YES, even though I feel great, I do feel that it’s very close… and I didn’t regret it because B”H I gave birth soon after!

But what if there was a different ending? 

So what? It wouldn’t matter!

For example, when my sister called me from New York with the same exact question of whether to wake up her doula in middle of the night… I also told her yes! And turned out that she went to the hospital with her doula for “nothing” and was sent right back home…

But it’s ok! It wasn’t foolish! It could have been real… and she still did the right thing!

That was NOT the “worst case” scenario!

The “worst case” was what happened by my 5th labor, when I was feeling less confident that I was really close, and because of that - I ended up giving birth completely on my own, which I really regret because it turned out to be so difficult!

I had resolved that next time - I would not feel bad for “disturbing” or “inconveniencing” anyone else! Not my husband, not my doula, and not my babysitter… 

*Because if there’s enough of a reason for ME to go to the hospital, then there’s enough of a reason for THEM to go as well!* They don't either want to miss the birth! 

And the same is true with Moshiach! 

There is no need to keep Moshiach’s coming a secret! 

There is no need to feel nervous that we might come home empty handed!

 

And if we did come home “empty handed” last time, there is still no reason to feel embarrassed about it! We did not lose our credibility! We did not do anything wrong! 

אחכה לו בכל יום שיבוא

And we could confidently wake them up AGAIN this time… because no Jew wants to miss this birth! No Jew wants to be left behind! 

Especially since it is not “ours” any more than it is theirs!

We can proudly shout it from the rooftops!

Because it’s more likely than ever, that THIS time, it’s the real deal! 

And we don’t want to have to deal with anyone complaining of why we kept them in the dark!

Day 21/30 - What Would You Do If You Really Believed?

 B”H Day 21/30 - *What Would You Do If You Really Believed?*

Yesterday, when I invited one mekureves to join us for the pesach seder, she replied that she couldn’t come, but that “Next time in Jerusalem!”

In the evening, I received a text from one baal teshuva who moved to Germany, that she wants to organise a tambourine decorating event in her city. She asked for the verse that talks about women greeting Moshiach with tambourines, and to remind her how to decorate it and which materials are needed, because “We need Moshiach right now!” 

And this morning, after sending out invitations to the Rebbe’s birthday, one girl replied, 

“120 years! It surely feels like Moshiach is coming right now!”

I’m not sure what it was exactly, but there was something about their faith which was so contagious! 

Somehow, hearing these comments specifically from these “unexpected” sources, gave me this feeling of, “Oh my goodness, what if this is for real?! I think this is really happening!” 

I realised that even though we are all “believers the sons of believers” and we officially await Moshiach’s coming every single day… This time was different. I knew that it was for “real” because I felt this fear in my heart of, “Oh my, am I REALLY ready?!”

And I thought, what would it look like if I REALLY believed that Moshiach was coming today?! Or even in the next few days or weeks? 

Would I do anything differently? Would I spend my time any differently? 

I realised that even if I would mostly DO the same exact things, it would be with a totally different feeling in my heart! With much more sincere intentions! With much more emes! With much more emotion! With much more passion and excitement and confidence! With much more joy and pleasure! 

I would feel responsible to let everybody know that Moshiach was coming, and that they need to quickly prepare, and to try to help them greet Moshiach in pride! 

I would quickly make a new Welcome Moshiach sign with my kids! I would gather together our tambourines! I would once again choose our Moshiach outfits and prepare them. 

My davening would be different. My learning would be different. My teaching would be different. My program planning would be different! My time with my children would be different. My Pesach cleaning would be different. My eating and sleeping would be different.

Everything would be l’sheim shamayim…

We would all do real teshuva! 

We would all forgive and ask forgiveness! 

We could go on and on… because I guess we would all kind of be like tzaddikim :)

אחכה לו בכל יום שיבוא…

If I really expected that today was the last day of Golus, If I really expected that this hour was the last hour of Golus, I would feel an adrenaline rush, I would be in a hurry… I wouldn’t want to waste any time! I would want to use every moment to the fullest! 

Because we know that in the very moment when Moshiach comes, in that very same instant, we will suddenly deeply miss the golus days! We will suddenly feel a deep yearning for the chance to serve Hashem while the lights were still off, while the game was still on, while it was still difficult and challenging to make the right choices…

As the Rebbe wrote in the Hayom Yom, “When Mashiach will come (speedily in our time, amein), then we shall really long for the days of the exile. Then we will truly feel distress at our having neglected working at avoda; then will we indeed feel the deep pain caused by our lack of avoda. These days of exile are the days of avoda, to prepare ourselves for the coming of Mashiach, speedily in our time, amein.”

So in truth, it’s easy to test if we REALLY believe, if we REALLY expect…

Because there is no possibility that our true emunah and bitachon wouldn’t immediately spill over to all our thoughts, words, and actions!

***

True, it feels really scary to let ourselves believe! To let our hearts even go there! 

We are afraid of being “naive”, we are afraid of being proven “wrong”, we are afraid of being disappointed… again! We are afraid of “what if chas v’shalom it doesn’t happen in the nearest future?!” 

As Rabbi Wolf said, it’s like we’re in the story of, “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” - We already cried wolf so many times that we wonder, “What if this is also a false alarm chv?!” 

But what if we ask ourselves a different question every day, what if we ask ourselves, “*What if this is NOT a false alarm? What if Moshiach IS really coming today*?!” 

Because if I don’t expect Moshiach TODAY, then I actually don’t EVER expect Him to come. 

Because it will never be “soon”, it will never be “later”, it will never be “tomorrow”, - it will always be NOW! 

"ואם אין עכשיו, אימתי?"

We have nothing to lose and everything to gain!

Because that is the whole power of bitachon! That’s what makes it work! That’s what makes our bitachon so precious to Hashem, to the point that He gives us what we expect of Him, even if He wasn’t “planning” to, even if we didn’t fully “deserve” it.

The fact that we are vulnerable enough to put our full trust in Him, and even allow it to affect our emotions and our actions -

That’s what guarantees that Hashem will definitely prove us right! 

"לעולם לא נבוש כי בך בטחנו" - 

We will NOT be ashamed for trusting in You! 

So if our generation is guaranteed to be the last generation of Golus and the first generation of Geulah, then it is more likely than ever that TODAY is the last day of Golus and that TODAY is the first day of Geulah!

עמדו הכן כולכם - 

Let’s all stand ready!!!

Day 20/30 - Virtual Reality

It took a really long time for Nechamale to choose which trip to go on for Chidon...

She had worked really really hard, (like thousands of other kids!) and when I saw that she made it to be an iyun finalist, I told her that we would BezH go on the New York trip! 

She was beyond excited and already started dreaming of all she wanted to do in NY...

But when the “special military operation” began, it was clear that Hashem had other plans for us, and we had to tell her that there was no chance of us travelling anywhere any time soon, unless of course, straight to Yerushalayim with Moshiach!

She didn’t go for any of my ideas of what to do instead, so I told her that it was her own responsibility to come up with something... and she finally chose a virtual reality game.

Since she was the only girl in Moscow to join chidon, she chose two friends to come along, and we all went together today - for our first time.

Nechamale was really excited for this trip, but once the game started, her fun quickly turned to fear! 

It was really scary to try climbing those tall mountains alone, with a big blue ocean beneath her, and huge bugs and flies all around her.... 

Even when she figured out which button to press to show the way, it was still really really hard to climb, and she was almost in tears as she kept falling down! 

She just wanted OUT...

In the meantime, I was just laughing out loud! It was really funny to watch the girls talking and moving and screeching in a complete virtual reality! 

I tried reminding her that I’m right here with her in this little safe room, and that it’s all make-believe, that it’s just a funny game! 

But when I tried it myself I understood that even when we 100% KNOW that it’s not real, it still FEELS so so so real! 

At one point, I was holding on to one spot with both hands for a really long time, because I went off course and there was nowhere for me to go anymore! I knew that if I would let go, I would fall all the way down, but even while holding on “for dear life”, and even while I kept falling, I kept laughing and having so much fun, because I KNEW it was just pretend.

(After the break, Nechamale wanted to try again, and this time, she was BH able to enjoy it to the point that she can’t wait to go back again and again, or better, for us to buy her a VR game of her own;))

And all along, I couldn’t help thinking about how much we can learn from this VR game!

*

Remember, 

Don’t take this golus so seriously!!!

Breathe!

Relax! 

Laugh! 

Have fun!!! 

It’s just a game!

It’s just a test!

It FEELS so real

It FEELS so scary 

But it’s not!!

It’s all JUST pretend! 

In truth 

Ein Od Milvado!! 

In truth

You’re 100% safe!

In truth 

You can’t really get hurt! 

In truth

It’s all temporary! 

In truth 

You CHOSE this experience-

Before you started!

Sure, go ahead and try your best,

Go ahead and challenge yourself 

To get up

To try again

To score...

To see what you can do

To see how high you can climb

To see how far you can reach

To see how brave you can be... 

But remember

To ENJOY 

The whole journey! 

To SING 

When you’re afraid 

To LAUGH 

Each time you “fall”

To LET GO

When you can’t seem to control...

To live fearlessly 

With a SMILE!

Cuz in truth

It’s okay!

It’s not the end of the world!

Hashem is holding you 

Hashem is right with you

Even when you fall - 

You didn’t REALLY fall...

Don’t stress! 

Don’t panic!

It’s just part of the game!

It’s normal! 

And remember,

All those bugs and flies -

They are just FUNNY! 

Laugh at them!!

Cuz they are not real!! 

Laugh away at the kelipa

Laugh away at the yetzer hara

Laugh away at the silly voices

Right in their faces! 

ס׳איז דאך אלץ הבל הבלים!

Remember,

This Golus is just an ILLUSION! 

It’s an experience 

It’s a TEST

It’s a VIRTUAL reality! 

Even when you see it 

In 3D, in 4D, in 5D...

It doesn’t matter! 

It’s STILL fake news!

It’s STILL just lies! 

All the fear exists

Only in our own minds! 

All the obstacles exist 

Only in our own IMAGINATION!

Even though we were BORN into this VR

Even though we’ve never yet SEEN 

The REAL world

We don’t need to be fooled

By the Satan!

We don’t need to believe

What our eyes see!

Because what we see

Is NOT

What defines reality

Only what TORAH says 

Is the one and true reality!

עולם  - השקר

תורת - אמת 

Even when we can’t see it! 

Even when we can’t feel it!

Even when it contradicts 

The “facts” before our eyes...

When we immerse ourselves 

In Chassidus

When we immerse ourselves 

In the Rebbe’s Torah - 

We can SWITCH 

To Geulah vision!!

We can start to SEE

A NEW reality!

We can see the whole world differently!!

Even while we’re in the same physical space 

As everybody else...

We can live in different worlds 

We can play by different rules 

We can sing to another tune 

We can dance to another beat...

Because we can hear the voice

Of the One OUTSIDE the game

Constantly reminding us

Of the TRUE reality

And constantly reminding us

That whenever we want - 

We can just REMOVE our tainted Golus glasses!

We can just

OPEN UP OUR EYES!!

And WAKE up 

To the REAL world - 

To the world of GEULAH!

בשוב ה׳ את שיבת ציון...

היינו כחולמים!

Day 19/30 - Prophecies Fulfilled

There was once a little boy who was learning the Navi Malachi with his grandfather. 

When they got to the possuk of,  

“והשיב לב אבות על בנים”, he asked his Zaidy, “But I don’t understand! This nevuah doesn't make any sense! If the parents don’t know the right path themselves, and they don’t teach it to their children, how can the ‘sons ever return the hearts of their fathers’?! How can the children possibly know, if they haven’t learned it from their parents?”

His grandfather replied, “You’re right! Honestly, I don’t understand how this nevuah is possible, either! But if that’s what it says in the navi, then we must have simple faith that one day, it will somehow come true…”

With this in mind, I remember how emotional I was the first time that I watched a daughter give a Jewish name to her mother, and then a while later, to her grandmother!

Because throughout history, it was always the parents who named their children, and here for the first time, I was watching the children naming their parents, and grandparents…

Over time though, I kind of got used to this new normal, and so I didn’t even realise how special it was when Shaina’s mother and grandmother received their Jewish names this morning. (Her mother asked to receive a Jewish name at the bris of her grandsons on Thursday, but we were only able to give the names today.)

But after sending the video of their Jewish namings to Shaina, she left such a touching voicenote in reply, that I was sitting and crying with her… 

It’s hard to translate without losing the emotion, but between her tears, it was something like this,

“I just watched the video and I’m sitting and crying! It’s so emotional, because besides for me, I’m so happy that I was successful, at least a drop, in bringing my mother and grandmother a little bit closer to Yiddishkeit… to return them a little bit… to show them a little bit... Because their whole life they were so afraid, their whole life, they tried so hard to hide their Jewish identity. My grandmother still doesn’t understand it until today… but at least a little bit! I’m so happy!”

It was so moving to hear how much nachas Shaina was having from her mother and grandmother! 

Throughout history, it was always the parents and grandparents who would have nachas from watching their children and grandchildren going in the path of Torah, but here, once again, we were watching the reverse… A child who was crying tears of joy from the nachas she was having from her mother and grandmother, when she was successful in returning them, at least a little bit, to the path of Torah…

And her next voicenote reminded me of Hashem’s promise, “ודור רביעי ישובו הנה…” - 

“My great grandmother’s mother and father were both Jewish, and they were very strong believers,  and very frum… 

“But he was the last Jewish husband in our family, because my great grandmother, Liba, married a non Jew, and later told her daughter, (Shaina’s grandmother), that these times are so hard and scary for Jews… and so if you want to be able to be successful in life, and go to university etc., then you have to go and convert to X… 

“I feel like Hashem was very hurt and offended by this, because they did it consciously… 

“We at least, all did it by mistake, without understanding what we were doing… but she knew what she was doing... 

“But I think now is a transformative moment for her - she understands how important it is, she knows what’s right, but it’s really hard for her… But at least in these small steps, I’m trying to bring them closer…”

כימי צאתך מארץ מצרים אראנו נפלאות 

Keeping their Jewish names was one of the three merits for which the Jewish people were redeemed from Mitzrayim…

And so in the Zechus of our new Ester and Liba, may we immediately be redeemed from this final Golus -  and watch as EVERY single one of the prophecies of the Geulah, come true before our eyes!

Day 18/30 - The Rebbe Needs our Tefillah and Brocha!

 B”H Day 18/30 - The Rebbe Needs our Tefillah and Brocha! 

In honor of Beis Nissan - the Yartzeit of the Rebbe Rashab and the start of the Nesius of the Frierdiker Rebbe.

I don’t have a lot of clear memories from before gimmel tammuz, but I do remember how everyone was always saying tehillim for the Rebbe after chof zayin adar, and how every day my family would be asking and talking and worrying about the Rebbe’s health…

In the summer of tof shin nun daled, there was a frum girl from Boro Park who got lost in the woods during a class field trip. Although I was just six years old at the time, I remember feeling so worried for the Rebbe especially then, because it seemed to me like the whole world was so busy worrying about and saying tehillim for Suri, the lost girl, that for a moment, they were forgetting about the Rebbe! And I thought, there are already enough other people davening for the girl, so I'm gonna say tehillim just for the Rebbe.

Looking back, of course it wasn’t true. I’m sure nobody forgot about the Rebbe! (It just felt that way especially since we lived in Boro Park and went to school there, and the concern in the air was so intense!) 

But that feeling that the Rebbe needs us, and really needs our prayers and blessings, was not naive at all… That part was, and still is, 100 percent true!

There was once a time when the Frierdiker Rebbe was feeling so unwell that he told his secretary that he had to take a break in accepting chassidim for yechidus. One chassid, who heard about this, nevertheless came rushing to the secretary, saying that he desperately needed to see the Frierdiker Rebbe right away. The secretary tried to refuse him, but he kept insisting that it was a question of pikuach nefesh that couldn’t wait at all! 

When an exception was finally made and he was allowed in, he started to give the Rebbe a heartfelt bracha for complete health and long life! 

It turned out that he didn’t come to ask for anything for anyone else; his urgent question of pikuach nefesh was only for the sake of the Frierdiker Rebbe himself! 

And his sincere bracha had the desired effect! Immediately after receiving this chossid’s brocha, the Frierdiker Rebbe told his secretary that he already feels much better, and is able to continue accepting people for Yechidus!

But how is it that we, who are so small, have the power to bless and give life to the Rebbe, if he is so much higher and greater than us?

In the sicha of Beis Nissan 5748, the Rebbe explains that it’s because the Nasi and King is the HEART of the Jewish people. And just as the heart does not only GIVE life to the body, but also RECEIVES life from the body in return, so too the Jewish king does not only give life to the nation, but also depends on the nation for his own life and kingship!

And it’s clear that this truth did not change at all after gimmel tammuz - because at the time that the Rebbe said this sicha, it was already 38 years AFTER Yud Shvat, and the Rebbe still said that with every passing year, the F”R gives us even more life than ever before, and that WE need to add even more life to the Rebbe, than ever before! 

The Rebbe explained that the way to add “chayim” to the Nasi, who is also the King, is through the nation proclaiming “Yechi Hamelech”. And that the meaning of this affirmation is that the time for “those who lie in the dust to rise and sing” has already come - referring to the הקיצו ורננו שוכני עפר of the Frierdiker Rebbe, and of Melech HaMoshiach! 

The words Yechi Hamelech are a tefillah and a Bracha. It’s one of the powerful ways that we, the body, are able to pump blood back to our heart - giving our heart the ability to once again pump even more blood, which is life, back to us. 

The Rebbe points out that even though the people are so distant from the level of the king, there is still no closer and more interdependent relationship than the one between the king and the nation - between the heart and the rest of the body! Just as there is no nation without a king, there is no king without a nation!

And this is especially true in regards to Moshiach, because his soul connection with every single Jew is even stronger and more revealed than with any other Jewish king. For this reason, each and every one of us has the power and ability to give life to Moshiach, and so through saying the words Yechi Hamelech, we coronate the king, and affect the coming of Moshiach! 

After learning this sicha inside, I was trying to understand, 

Why am I having such a hard time with this? 

And why does it seem that we are all, collectively, having such a hard time with this? 

We all want to see the הקיצו ורננו שוכני עפר of our Rebbe so desperately!! 

We all know that the Rebbe is our Nasi and our King, and that he is the one who Hashem has chosen to be Melech HaMoshiach - that he fits all the halachic criteria for this role!

We all love the Rebbe so deeply, and are more than ready for him to return to us, and lead the whole world to Geulah! 

So why can’t we just do it? 

Why can’t we all unite together in this powerful tefillah and Brocha of “Yechi Hamelech”?

Why does it feel so controversial and uncomfortable if there is nothing that is objectively controversial or uncomfortable about it? 

The only explanation that I can think of is that “easy” and “hard” are not objective logical truths! It’s just the way Hashem set up the golus - that the more important something is, the more the yetzer hara puts up a fight against it…

And so the fact that something is so challenging, is just a sign and a proof of how important it is! 

And so as we are approaching 120 years of our Rebbe’s nesius, there is no better time to bless our Rebbe with chayim nitzchiyim, eternal life, - so that we can be reunited with our Rebbe once again! 

And not just as before gimmel Tammuz, but in an infinitely greater way than before! 

For there is no doubt that - 

‎ירידה זו לצורך עליה עד שכל זה הוא כדאי! 

And as scary as it feels, in honor of beis Nissan and yud aleph Nissan, I would like to say this heartfelt tefillah and brocha out loud, for the first time,

יחי המלך!!! 

Please Hashem, bless our dear Rebbe, Melech Moshiach, with eternal life, so that he can finally lead us all in joyous song to the 3rd Beis Hamikdash in Yerushalayim!

Day 17/30 - *The Jews of Russia*

Lately, lots of people have been asking me how I’m doing here in Russia... 

And Baruch HaShem, my answer is that I still feel SO grateful to be on Shlichus specifically here - because the beautiful Jews of Russia have not changed at all! So until Moshiach comes, there’s nowhere else I would rather be!

Yesterday was one of those days when I felt it so strongly, as we celebrated the Bris Milahs of Shaina’s 2 little boys.

It was the most emotional and joyous bris Milas that I’ve ever been to in my life, maybe even more than the Brissim of my own 2 sons!

But let me start from the beginning...

Margarita showed up at Shul for the first time because she saw an enticing advertisement for our trip to NY. The date the trip was set to begin was exactly the same as the date that her 8 month old baby was scheduled to be baptised, but she decided to push off the latter so as not to miss out on this exciting opportunity. 

She had no idea that there was anything wrong with the necklace that she showed up to the first pre-trip meeting with… But by the second meeting she already sensed that she should at least tuck it under her shirt.

She soaked everything in so quickly, started lighting Shabbos candles right away….

And she had a really transformational experience at the Rebbe’s Ohel! She emotionally shared with the girls that although she had prayed so much in the past, in non-Jewish places of worship, this was the first time in her life that she could feel and clearly SEE that Someone was actually listening! She had asked for a bracha for health since she was experiencing terrible back pain, and as soon as she left the Rebbe’s Ohel, the pain had disappeared! 

By the time she returned to Moscow a week later, her name was Shaina instead of Margarita, and her baby was already scheduled to have a Bris Milah instead of a baptism!

A lot happened over the next few years. She ended up divorcing her first husband and getting remarried, unfortunately, to a non-Jew. She got pregnant twice, and both times her husband, mother, grandmother, and close friends, all thought it was a big mistake and that she should have an abortion. Both times she BH called to talk about her struggle before doing anything, because she needed at least one person to support her in being strong and making the right decision…

They were both boys, and she so much wanted to give them both a Bris, but her husband was categorically against it! He couldn’t understand it, and most importantly, he didn’t want his children to be different than him! He was okay with a lot of other Jewish things and mitzvos, but this was the one thing that he completely resisted.  

Although it pained Shaina so much, she felt there was nothing she could do about it, and kind of gave up on trying…

This past Purim, as they were about to leave our Purim party, I told her husband that they just had to finally give their sons a bris, and with the Purim energy in the air, I promised him that he would see great blessings from it! He didn’t say a word and I had no idea what he was thinking, but Shaina told me after that he asked, “What was she talking about?” He understood that it was about cutting something but wasn’t sure if I meant an upshernish or a bris? (It happens sometimes that my Russian vocabulary is on such a high level that even natives have a hard time understanding me.)

About a week later, Shaina asked if they could come over to talk because they were having serious financial problems and it looked like they would need to sell their house. Of course I had no way to help them with what they needed, but I was still happy for them to come over to have another chance to talk about the bris idea. 

When they arrived, I told them that parnassa is something that comes only from Hashem. It’s obvious that no matter how smart we are or how hard we work, we can’t control the outcome…. And that the way to bring Hashem’s bracha is by fulfilling His will. Again, we spoke about doing a bris, and that because this is something that goes above their nature, it would bezH create a miracle above nature from Hashem as well.

I was shocked when her husband said that he was ready to go ahead with it! We just couldn’t believe our ears, as Shaina tried to hide her overwhelming emotion! Hashem had arranged for this huge brick wall to disappear in one instant! And so on the spot, we called the mohel to schedule their Bris Milahs at the first opportunity. 

(The next day the father had an extremely successful business deal, better than he ever had before, and he told his wife that he felt sure that it was because of their good decision!)

As my husband and the Sandek came out of the medical room singing “Siman Tov and Mazel Tov” my eyes were welling up with tears of happiness! 

Inspired by this week’s Moshiach class with Sara Rosenfeld, I realised that THIS is really what Moshiach is all about! THIS is a taste of the joy of Geulah! We had just learned that our obligation to anticipate Moshiach needs to be *specifically* out of the desire for the return of Malchus Beis Dovid and the opportunity to fulfill all of the 613 Mitzvos. (To the point that if someone looks forward to all the secondary prophecies of Geulah like peace, health, wealth, etc. but doesn’t look forward to this MAIN thing, then he is considered a Kofer chas v’shalom!)

I realised that if the essence of Geulah is about all Jews fulfilling all of Torah and Mitzvos, without any of the previous limitations or resistance, then THIS is what Geulah is all about!

As I watched Shaina’s non-Jewish husband helping their 4 year old son through the entire difficult process of before and after anaesthesia, I thought that this is what Moshiach’s times will look like - goyim helping yidden fulfill the will of Hashem!

And I got the chills when the Sandek pointed out the hayom yom of yesterday - 

_“We do recite the Harachaman of brit Mila.

(From a sicha at a brit mila repast): At a brit mila we say, "Just as he has entered into the Covenant so may he enter into Torah, into marriage and into good deeds" (p. 141). It is our custom to make an advance payment on tuition fees for the boy's studies. (Here the Rebbe gave a sum of money and said): This is for the Yeshiva.”_

And that’s in addition to the Brissim falling out exactly in the Parsha of the mitzvah of bris milah! 

Again I thought that this is Geulah - when we can see Hashgacha Protis so clearly before our eyes! 

My husband told over something beautiful he heard from Rabbi Levi Heber, that one of the meanings of,

״כימי צאתך מארץ מצרים אראנו נפלאות,״ 

Is that just like then, the yidden all had bris milah at older ages, and we were redeemed in the zechus of the blood of their bris milahs, so too before Moshiach comes, older children and adults will once again have bris milahs, and in this zechus Moshiach will come!”

And this is definitely something that we have seen in our times like never before, and that we have seen in the FSU more than anywhere else in the world! 

May the brissim of little Shimshon and Daniel be the final ones to usher in the true and final Geulah now!