I don’t know where to start.
This one is super vulnerable for me to share but I feel that it’s not even an option to keep silent after the crazy clear message that I got today! (And also, because if I do not share this, it turns out that I wasted 9 hours of this most important day of the year!)
Just to give a little background,
Even though we are on Shlichus in Moscow for over 10 years, for a long time we didn’t even bother trying to get citizenship because we knew the process would be extremely difficult…
But a few years ago there was a new law that if someone has Russian roots and is also fluent in Russian, there is a “short cut” to citizenship, and so we decided to go for it.
It turned out much harder than it sounded! It took over 2 years just to find the right family documents... And even when we finally had it all prepared, we still needed a miracle for it to pass through, because there are always technical mistakes that they can find with it.
As we arrived at the government office, which is a 2 and a half hour car ride away each direction, my friend Ester who was helping me, kept warning me that most likely we would need to come back a few more times untill we would get everything perfect ..
But I really felt confident that because it was Rosh Chodesh Adar, we had good mazel and it would go through.
After 4 very uncomfortable hours of waiting for them to call us, I wished I could at least write in to the Rebbe for a Bracha that it should be successful, so that all this time and money and effort shouldn’t go to waste..
But I had no pen and paper, and no WiFi, and so no way to write…
Instead, I opened the dvar malchus to try to learn something, but I had no energy for something deep, and so I skipped over the maamer… and was amazed to see the letter there!
_The Rebbe was writing that he’s sorry to hear that there is such a delay in getting all the documents and permissions .. but that he hopes that very soon there will finally be a didan notzach and I’ll be able to devote all my time to my shlichus of spreading chassidus outwards._
My friend Ester, who is frum but not Chabad, was even way more shocked and excited than I was! For her, it was the first time ever seeing a clear answer from the Rebbe…
And right then, they called our number to the window!
I felt so confident that we had the Rebbe's Bracha, and so I stayed calm even when they noticed a spelling mistake and almost sent us home…
BH miraculously the guy came back and said he’ll let it go! And they gave us an appointment for the next big step - a Russian test in just 2 weeks!
To pass thIs part, I needed an even bigger miracle! But again I felt confident that I had great mazel, especially since the date 13 Adar was an auspicious one in our family - it was (ironically) exactly 55 years since my father’s family was able to immigrate from Russia to Eretz Yisroel!
Without going into all the amazing details, I miraculously passed my Russian fluency test too!
The next week, I had to come back again to do all my medical tests… And then they gave me an appointment for today, Yud Aleph Nissan, to apply for my permanent residency.
At first I really didn’t like the thought of spending this greatest day in a government office! But I understood that it’s Hashgacha protis, because I really need all the “mazel gover” that I can get!
I especially made my 11 Nissan event for 120 girls last night, and this morning, we headed out for the full day trip to “Sacharova “.
I was in a really good mood. I had BH seen so many clear miracles throughout the night and day, and I was expecting open miracles to continue!
When they quickly called us to booth number 11, we knew that it was not even a question! Even Ester tried to take a picture of the number 11.., (until the lady yelled at her to delete it), because it was obviously no coincidence!
We saw the miracle clearly when the worker found a HUGE mistake with my immigration card but still decided to let it go, which is totally unheard of! And she also found another mistake which she went to check out, and came back saying it’s ok!
Ester was elated! She said, “That’s it! If I come here with you one more time, I’m gonna become a chossid! It’s impossible to see all these miracles and not be affected.. there’s nothing to say!”
Feeling on top of the world, I went to do my fingerprints…
And now we just needed to wait for the final step - of giving everything in all together!
While waiting, I learned the maamer “Ana Nasiv Malka” with her, until finally, they called us to booth 14.
And that’s where the miracles “paused” 😔
The lady took one look at my passport and said, “It’s missing a signature!” There’s no way this can go through!
I couldn’t believe it! I tried to explain that it’s my new passport and I just forgot to sign because I haven’t been travelling, and that I could quickly sign it now…
But she said it’s impossible! My notarised passport copy and translation were now invalid and I would have to do everything over!
We couldn’t believe it!
How could it be that this whole long and difficult and miraculous process could be held back just because of a stupid missing signature?!
After all that we made it through successfully.. to be stopped because of something so quick, easy, and simple didn’t make sense?!
And then suddenly it hit me!
And I burst out crying!
I was overcome with emotion and had tears streaming down my face!
At first Ester thought I was crying because of my wasted time.. because of the failure.. because of the letdown… because of the fact that by the time we would get a new appointment, my American fingerprints would already be expired and I would have to repeat so many steps, and it would take months until we could get back to this point..
But that’s not at ALL what was bothering me!!
I was crying because right here, on Yud Aleph Nissan, I got a really clear message- A message that I so badly did NOT want to get! A message that until then, I did NOT want to believe! That I did NOT want to acknowledge!
Because honestly, inside my heart, I was having such an internal struggle about this topic of signatures, specifically over the last 24 hours…
I saw the message and the link to sign the “ksav hiskashrus”, but I couldn’t decide if to sign it with my name or anonymously and so I didn’t sign it yet.
And most importantly, I couldn’t decide IF TO SHARE IT OR NOT TO SHARE IT???
On the one hand -
It’s SO unpopular!
It's SO uncomfortable!
And it’s SO doubtful -
Will it really help? Or will it hurt instead?
But on the other hand - what if THIS is the only thing left that is holding back the Geulah?!?!
I don’t know what ELSE could be holding it back?!
And here, right when I thought that I was getting away with just “benefiting” from the Rebbe, that I was just enjoying and feeling grateful for the lucky “mazel gover” of the day, without giving anything major of myself in return…
I realised that no, the Rebbe needs ME today!
That the true “mazel gover” of the day is the strength of my neshama - the strength to do that which feels so embarrassing! That which feels so scary and risky!
In the meantime, Ester was watching me bawling away, but I told her that I couldn’t explain it to her.. that she just wouldn’t understand me…
Until finally, I agreed to try.
I explained to her that I’m pretty sure I understand why this happened - that it’s here to show me that it’s truly possible that the only thing holding back the coming of Moshiach is my little signature..
and OUR little signatures…
That we all want Geulah so deeply, and we already came so far! But we are having such a hard time accepting the fact that the Geulah will only come about through a human being - King Moshiach!
And that the only way we can have a King is if we choose him, if we recognise him, if we accept him!
Because there is no King without a nation…
And that a nation needs to be a LOT of people, not just a small handful, not just a small fringe group!
I told her about David Hamelech - how he wasn’t considered King until most of his Shevet finally accepted him, even though he had already been anointed by Hashem through the Navi, long before that point!
I said that I don’t know why it’s so hard, but it is!!!
That it’s mainly because of a lot of ignorance around this topic, but that’s why the Rebbe told us that the most important thing is to learn… so that we would understand and recognise what is still needed…
That if anyone has any OTHER candidate for Moshiach that fits the Rambam’s criteria, then that’s great too! And I would love to hear who it is? But I never heard of anyone finding anyone else that fits the halachic criteria? And it has to be Someone!
She agreed that there is nobody else, but asked how it could be the Rebbe, after gimmel Tammuz?
I answered that Moshiach can also come from those who passed away! But that it’s not someone from thousands of years ago like David or Shlomo hamelech.. because he needs to be the most RECENT potential Moshiach - the one who actually prepared the world for Moshiach's coming…
(And even if it turns out to be someone else, there is still nothing wrong with believing it’s the Rebbe, or anyone else who fits the halachic criteria!)
Maybe I’m wrong, but what else could it be that is still missing - that is possible for us to do?
Because EVERYTHING else was done! The Rebbe said we finished ALL the work of Golus, and that we already had more than enough Mesiras nefesh, and way more than enough suffering… that we already did teshuva and already polished the buttons.
And that the only thing left is to be “mekabel pnei Moshiach”... -
Maybe this is what he meant when he said that it’s in OUR hands? Because it’s the one thing that Moshiach can’t do by himself, and that he can’t directly tell us to do either… because it needs to come from US!
If it didn’t matter who Moshiach was, then why did the Rebbe keep hinting to us SO CLEARLY that he is the one who is Moshiach, in each sicha week after week after week, in that whole 11 month period after 28 Nissan?
If it didn’t matter who Moshiach was, then why would the Rambam teach us the criteria in a book of HALACHA? And why did the Rebbe encourage us so strongly to learn it? (And even hand it out to us so soon after 28 Nissan?)
What can we lose by choosing the Rebbe as our King?!
And what can we lose by sharing it with others - in an “oifen hamiskabel”?
What I learned from Ester is that “the world” IS actually ready to hear it too…
It’s just me who feels afraid!
BezH I’m going to sign the ksav hiskashrus right now - because I am more than happy to choose the Rebbe as my King, and I want to make sure that my little missing signature is not what’s holding anything back…
And I’m going to share the link with you too, in case you haven’t seen it yet, and you are also ready to give the Rebbe your signature today…
Because it takes a whole NATION!
https://unitedfortherebbe.com/
But I just want to add that it’s totally fine if you don’t agree, or if you don't feel ready to sign right now -
As long as we can all continue to love and respect each other no matter what our opinions are on any given topic!!! 🙏
*Because even more important than our signatures, is our achdus*, - but achdus doesn’t mean that I can’t share my beliefs and feelings!
Achdus means that we can all OPENLY share our thoughts and feelings, and STILL feel completely safe and confident, knowing that we will continue to love and respect each other 1000% - even if we disagree on some things!
Achdus means that we can have open conversations and Farbrengens to brainstorm together about how to end this Golus - even if we all come out with different conclusions…
That is the meaning of REAL achdus!
And honestly, I would love to be wrong on this one!
I really hope that we do NOT need to do anything else at all! That instead, Moshiach will FIRST reveal himself, and THEN everyone will happily accept and coronate him! That would be a whole lot faster, and a whole lot more realistic!!
And there is no better time than right now!!! 🙏
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