Day 3/30 - *Purim & Moshiach*

On the way to hear Megillah last night, I asked my daughter, “What’s the connection between Purim and Moshiach?” 

She said, “Hmmm…. What’s the gematria of Purim?”

When we added it up we saw that we are only missing 22, so we just need to add the 4 mitzvos of Purim, cuz 2+2 is 4 :), 

Or if we don’t want to cheat, we can add the 22 that the Rebbe spoke about in the Sicha of 22 Shvat. (By first adding 11 which represents the 1st stage of our generation which began on the 11th day of the 11th month of the 11th year, representing the self-nullification of the world, which is created with the 10 sefiros, to the One Above - the Essence of Hashem, and then adding another 11, for the 2nd stage of our generation which began on the 22nd of Shvat, representing the complete union of our ego with Hashem, to the point that we cannot separate between us, because we truly feel how we are One and the same!)

And there are lots of other options:) But as the Rebbe once said at a Purim farbrengen, if a gematria doesn’t add up, it means that we just need to have some more Lechayim…

***

As I was listening to the Megillah, the way that Mordechai is introduced to us in the megillah suddenly stood out to me, 

“There was a Jewish man in Shushan the capital, whose name was Mordechai, son of Yair, son of Shim'iy, son of Kish, a Benjaminite, who had been EXILED from Jerusalem with the EXILES that had been EXILED along with Jechoniah, King of Judah, whom Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, had sent into EXILE.”

Why do we mention the fact that Mordechai was in Golus 4 times in his description? Is that the best way to describe him? Weren’t all the rest of the Yidden in Golus too, just like him? 

But then I realized that yes, that is what differentiated Mordechai from the rest!

As we know, one of the main reasons for the Heavly decree to chas v’shalom annihilate the Jewish nation was because the Yidden started to forget that they were in Golus, and actually gave up on ever seeing the Geulah! They felt flattered that the powerful King Achashveirosh invited them to his royal party. They enjoyed the fact that they can have a great life both spiritually and physically even without Geulah. They celebrated at a party which was in fact celebrating that the 70 year period of exile that was prophesied had already passed, and so if the Jews weren’t liberated until now, it means it will never happen at all, to the point that Achashveirosh was no longer even afraid to profane all the holy keilim of the Beis Hamikdash… 

Of course this was a miscalculation, but the fact that they Yidden could make peace with the idea of a Judaism without Moshiach, was what put our whole existence into question!

So following the story of the Yidden enjoying this “Golus Feast”, we can appreciate the huge contrast of Mordechai, who did NOT participate in this feast at all, and who begged all Yidden NOT to participate. What made Mordechai unique was that he never forgot for a moment that he was in golus, and he deeply felt the PAIN of the golus, he never made peace with it, and he never gave up on the promise of Redemption! 

And when I heard the part, later in the megillah, that,

“Mordechai knew all that had occurred, so Mordechai tore his clothes [in mourning] and put on sackcloth and ash. He went out into the city crying loudly and bitterly.”

Again, I thought, why davka Mordechai? Was he the only one who knew of the terrible decree? What made him different than all the rest of the Yidden? Why is he the only one that is pointed out for crying loudly and bitterly?

But again, perhaps, it’s because even after the decree, not everyone felt the pain in the same way that he did. Perhaps not everyone chose to focus on it, or perhaps not everyone felt that there is anything they can do about it..

Perhaps Mordechai was the one who tore his clothing, because his mission was to awaken all the Yidden to feel the pain of the Golus, and in this way, to remove the cause for the terrible decree… and bring about their Geulah. 

***

And the truth is that we see the same with our Rebbe, the Mordechai of our generation! 

The Rebbe felt and feels the pain of Golus more than any other person, and the Rebbe did all in his power to awaken in each of us the deep desire for the Geulah!

So on this holiest day of Purim, let us all cry out to Hashem, “Ad Mosai?! We want Moshiach Now!!!” And on this day, when “Every person who stretches out his hand, is answered,” may we experience the true joy of Purim, which is the one Yom Tov which will not be nullified even after Moshiach’s arrival, and celebrate the Purim Feast together with Moshiach in the 3rd Beis Hamikdash in Yerushalayim! 

Day 2/30 - *No Time for Moshiach?*

My first thought when I woke up this morning was, 

“Oh no, yesterday was only day 2 and I already missed my new hachlata!” 

I had wanted to give the Rebbe a birthday gift of a daily Moshiach thought until 11 Nissan, and I even announced it out loud. And it’s not that I forgot about it! It’s just that life is so busy and so it got pushed off to the last thing at night… and I fell asleep in the middle. 

For a minute I thought about maybe giving up -  it’s just not practical, I don’t have time for it… 

But then I reminded myself that it IS totally possible if I only choose to make it my priority, and I even have clear proof - 

***

At the Kinus Hashluchos this year, Racheli Muchnik announced that she doesn’t turn on her phone in the morning until after she finishes Davening and Chitas, and on the spot, I decided to try to do the same. 

I’m happy to share that today is Day 50 in a row that I davenned (a mini) shacharis and said full chitas and family tehillim! It’s a huge record for me because until 50 days ago.. I honestly hardly ever ended up davening or saying Chitas. It was something that I kept procrastinating or forgetting… until the end of the day when it was already too late or I was already too tired.. 

Because when it wasn’t the FIRST thing in my day.. it pretty much always ended up being the last - which means it ended up not “being” at all. 

Of course it took a lot of self control, especially in the beginning, but thanks to my commitment, and to Racheli’s support,  it was much easier than I imagined!

But when I reached the 30 day mark, I had mixed feelings. 

On the one hand I was really impressed with myself that I actually kept to a hachlata for so long! And I was happy that that day I actually felt emotion during my mini davening and enjoyed it, and also that I learned the Tanya that day, instead of just quickly reading it... 

On the other hand, I doubted if it was really important enough? If it was really worth my time? I was using up the little window that I had in the morning for something that doesn’t help anyone else but myself. 

It just didn’t feel very productive, and I wondered if it’s really worth continuing?

Later that day I had a chavrusa with a local Shlucha, and the first thing that she told me as soon as she came on the zoom was that “She got a letter from the Rebbe that week that she must show me, since she feels it’s connected to me also.” 

The letter was an answer to a bachur who wrote to the Rebbe that because he is very busy with his learning,  he doesn’t have time for the daily Chitas that the Rebbe requested, except for Chumash with Rashi. He asked the Rebbe for permission to “free” him from his obligation of saying the daily Tehillim & Tanya. 

The Rebbe replied that he was surprised by the question! Because learning Chitas is not for the benefit of anyone else, (meaning, not for the Rebbe’s sake,) but for the bachur’s OWN benefit, just like with all matters of Torah and Mitzvos. And so by the Rebbe “freeing” him of his obligation to say Chitas, he would also be “freeing” him from all the good results that the Chitas brings! 

And about his argument that “he doesn’t have time”, the Rebbe explained that the use of time, just like everything else, depends on success and help from Above! As we see clearly - how sometimes the learning goes really quickly and easily, and other times it takes very intense efforts and a huge amount of time, to grasp the concept that one is trying to learn, and even then, he STILL doesn’t understand it clearly enough… even though we are talking about the SAME person, just at different times. 

The Rebbe concluded by saying, that the Segulah of every mitzvah, and the Shiurim of Chitas are included in this, will lead to many more mitzvos, meaning, it will make it easier for the person to fulfil other mitzvos, as well as make it easier for him to understand the ideas he is trying to learn… 

I was so shocked and touched about how the Rebbe, our faithful shepherd, found a way to answer my inner doubts that I was having that day! And it goes without saying that I was able to continue keeping my hachlata with the assurance that I am definitely not wasting my time! That on the contrary, my davening and Chitas are actually saving me time - by bringing me more “success in time” throughout the rest of the day! 

***

I realised that the same truth applies to learning and sharing ideas on Moshiach and Geulah! 1) It needs to be the FIRST thing in my day, NOT the last!

2) I don't need to worry about not having “time” to focus on Moshiach and Geulah, because time is in Hashem’s hands and this will bezH only bring me more success in time. 

And this is what the Rebbe taught us in the sicha of Parshas Tzav, Mem Hey, Ois 22 - that Moshiach is the FIRST thing that we need to share with others, not the last! 

“... When we speak with another, the FIRST thinking that we need to do is cry out “Moshiach now!”
“Seemingly, someone might argue that when we want to influence another, we need to act like a gentleman! To first say “Hi, how are you? How are you feeling? How do you do? And then to ask about his wife and his kids, and his work - what he did and what he is planning to do… and then to start speaking with him about Judaism, starting with the Aleph Beis of Yiddishkeit… until finally he gets to the topic of the ‘End of Days”.. And that Moshiach is about to come…

“He argues that this is the way of the Baal Shem Tov, who first asked people how they are, so that they can say, ‘Baruch Hashem’, and only after did he start talking with them about Judaism. 

“But to begin by screaming ‘Moshiach Now!’ is so strange! “The words of the wise are heard when they are pleasant.’ When they are calm and strategic.. So what impression with another have to the cry of Moshiach now?! 

“But the truth is that IT’S EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE! 

“When a completely normal person, dressed normally, speaking normally, suddenly starts screaming “Moshiach now!” - davka this behavior is what influences and arouses the inner essence of the other, because the truth is that his soul ALSO cries out Moshiach now!”

From the inner essence of the Neshama, the desire and craving of every Jew is for the true and complete Geulah, for ‘Moshiach Now”! We just need to remove the outer dirty shell that is covering this up.

“When you approach him with proper ‘etiquette’, you don't even succeed in removing the dirt and mud that is covering his external shell. On the other hand, when you approach him and scream out ‘Moshiach now! Listen up, Jews need to have Moshiach!” - This is the way to remove the external covering, and reveal the essence of his soul! 

*** 

So no, there is no such thing as me not having the ‘time” to learn about, or speak about, or write about, Moshiach! Because Moshiach must always be our FIRST and TOP priority, and beezrat Hashem, the ONLY good reason to not continue my Hachlata will be because Moshiach already showed up and there will be no need for it anymore! 

Day 1/30 - *Gift to the Rebbe for 11 Nissan*

 Hi All 😍

Today was the 11th of Adar, which means that there are just 30 days left until the 11th of Nissan, the 120th birthday of our Rebbe.

We are supposed to start preparing at least 30 days before and so my tiny birthday present is to bli neder try to write a short daily Moshiach thought, cuz learning is the “straight path” to bringing Moshiach, and there is no doubt that the Rebbe will not be satisfied with any birthday gift less than the ultimate one - the gift of us finishing off our job of making the true and complete Redemption a reality. 🙏

Hope it’s ok to share my thoughts here. And just want to make a disclaimer that they are nothing more than my currect thoughtstream, and so of course there can be so many different perspectives. ❤️ 

Day 1

The past 2 years have been really unbelievable, and the past 2 weeks have been even more completely shocking! We’ve seen world changes which we could never have imagined were possible to experience in our lifetimes! 

What in the world is going on?! 

It seems clear that what’s going on is that TIME IS UP!! Golus(exile) time has expired! The “baby” is already overdue to the maximum!

The Rebbe promised on Day 1 that we are the last generation of Golus (exile) and the first generation of Geulah (Redemption), and repeated this fact over and over and over again...

But how long is a “generation”? 

The Rebbe said, (in the Sicha of Shemos 5752,) that 70 years is the “completion of the nesius/leadership”. 

Not sure how to calculate 70 years but this past Yud Shvat was 70 years since the 10th of Shvat 5711 - the day the Rebbe first said that promise! And 70 years is the MAXIMUM because the Rebbe’s words MUST be fulfilled. So we are clearly overdue! 

And here we are standing so close to the Rebbe’s 120th birthday. 120 years is a LIFETIME. Moshe, the first Redeemer, lived to exactly 120 years. Again, this sounds very much like a generation! 

(120 years also reminds me of the 120 years until the fulfilment of Noach’s prophecy of the flood, and BezH we too can look forward to the Rebbe’s positive prophecy of Geulah proving true before the Rebbe’s 120 mark!)

It’s true that we are not allowed to calculate the keitz /the end, but the Rebbe said that “all the end-times passed already!”, and besides, here we are not talking about an end time, but about the fulfilment of the Rebbe’s positive prophecy! We know that it's true no matter what, but HaShem must SHOW the world that it’s true, and the time has come! And from our end, we must await His coming EVERY day, so how much more so today - when we are literally in the end of days...

And since the Geulah must happen through US, it seems like all that we’ve been experiencing in recent times has just been a very uncomfortable wake up call, shaking us all to the get unstuck from our attachment to Golus, squeezing us out of our previous Golus comfort zone, and revealing that we truly DO want Moshiach with an “emes”! 

We don't have any answers, but we know that there MUST be a positive purpose, and the only outcome that could make up for all that we have been through is the true and complete Geulah! May it be right NOW!!!

The Sense of Smell

I started getting some mild symptoms of covid last week, like many others here in Moscow... 

It didn’t feel too great for the first few days, and then,  just as I started feeling much better, I overheard a voicenote of my husband’s friend telling him that he lost his sense of smell.

I thought, oh, I forgot about that! How do people even notice? Maybe I lost it too? 

I went to the cabinet and started sniffing everything... and sure enough, I could barely feel the coffee, the cinnamon, the besamim! 

I still doubted myself so I kept checking .. I even burned a paper towel to see if I could smell it.. 😅 

but nothing! 

And when I asked my 4 year old to smell each one, he said “ewwww”..

I couldn’t believe it! 

I tried some more foods and still nothing, or just very very light...

I tried my perfumes and they were also either no smell or off! 

I sprayed some cleaning agent and I could smell it, but then I read that that doesn’t count..

My husband had ordered some desserts along with dinner but when I bit into the eclair and other cakes, they were tasteless! 

I could feel all the textures but nothing more...

They were all completely bland!

Most likely connected to my loss of smell.. 

I wasn’t sure if I should laugh or cry 😭

Before Sukkos, when I was thinking about the meaning of the loss of smell, it was a completely theoretical interesting idea...

I had read posts of friends discussing how to get their smell back, but it didn’t sound so bad..

But now that I was experiencing it.. 

it actually felt scary!

I didn’t expect this reaction.

I felt desperate to get it back!

I read a post online where someone said “not to make fun” because “nobody could understand it unless it happened to them...”, 

And it felt so validating!

Thank G-d I was so grateful to be feeling good and that there was nothing serious at all!

But this still wasn’t fun...

I felt less “alive”...

The only thing that helped was my husband’s advice not to think about it - that actually worked;) and Baruch Hashem since then, it started coming back to me!🙏

But in the meantime.. 

I’m grateful that I had that new awareness...

That moment of, 

“Wowwwww

It’s awesome!

I don’t think I ever thanked HaShem for my sense of smell,

I never realized how precious and important this sense is,

Just How much we take for granted!

And the moment I realized - 

Who knows how much sharper each of our senses can really be?

Who knows how much richer G-ds beautiful garden really is?

Most likely ALL of our senses are majorly dulled in golus! 

Do we even know how real flowers are meant to smell? 

Do we even know how real fruits and vegetables are meant to taste?

And who knows how many more dimensions are actually possible?!

A sixth sense, a seventh sense, an eighth sense..?

Oh The smells that await us

the tastes that await us

The sights, the sounds - 

Seeing G-dliness, 

hearing G-dliness, 

touching G-dliness, 

tasting G-dliness, 

smelling G-dliness, 

sensing this great world on every level, every layer, every aspect..

Oh how I yearn for the day when G-d will open up our eyes to really see, our ears to really hear, our mouths to really taste, our nose to really smell, our hands to really feel, our minds to really grasp - 

The Divine! 

Oh the delights and pleasures that await us!!!

Maybe this is G-ds way of showing us a tiny hint of what we are missing..

With each extra day that we sit in darkness..

Because how else can we yearn for the flavors and colors that we have never even known?!

Oh G-d,

We are SO excited for what’s coming!

We are so ready for Your Revelation!

Please open up our senses! 🙏

And then I realized, 

Wow! It’s specifically the sense of SMELL that our world is missing above all. 

The prophet Yeshaya says about Moshiach that, "He will smell the fear of G‑d, he won't judge by the sight of his eyes, nor by the hearing of his ears..."

Its specifically His sense of smell that identities Him as Moshiach! 

According to the Zohar, His sense of smell is greater than His attributes of wisdom and understanding. He will be able to judge by His smell alone!

And on some level, 

we will each be able to do the same - 

Thanks to the revelation of the spark of Moshiach which is within each and every one of us! 

We will each gain a new sense of smell that we never even knew.. 

A new spiritual sense,

A heightened connection with our own souls...

And how interesting that our new year “81” spells the Hebrew word אף, which means anger, but which also means “nose”?

Because this is the year when G-ds apparent “anger” will be transformed into the year of scent - 

the year when King Moshiach will be revealed and judge the whole world by smell.. 

When He will go above all wisdom and understanding in issuing His verdict - deciding that we are all worthy of the ultimate good and blessing, of the true and complete Redemption now!!! 🙏

אף...

Even,

Anger,

Nose,

What a strange word...

So many meanings and connotations..

All somehow connected,

Not all so clearly positive...

But who knows, 

Maybe the loss or distortion of our sense of smell is part of the cosmic dissolving and unscrambling of the letters אף into פא. 

תהא שנת פלאות אראנו!

It will be a year of revealed wonders!!

May it be immediately now!!

На прошлой неделе у меня начали появляться легкие симптомы COVID, как и у многих здесь, в Москве...

Первые несколько дней мне было не очень хорошо, а затем, когда я почувствовала себя намного лучше, я услышала голосовое сообщение друга моего мужа, который сказал ему, что он потерял обоняние.

 

Я подумала, ох, я забыла об этом! Как люди вообще это замечают? Может, я тоже потеряла обоняние?

 

Я подошла к шкафу и начала все нюхать... и, конечно же, я почти не чувствовала кофе, корицу, бсамим!

Я все еще сомневалась, поэтому продолжала проверять ... Я даже сожгла бумажное полотенце, чтобы посмотреть, не чувствую ли я его запаха... но ничего!

 

И когда я попросила своего 4-летнетку понюхать, он сказал: «фуууу»…

 

Я не могла поверить в это!

 

Я попробовала еще несколько продуктов и все еще ничего не чувствовала, или просто очень-очень легкий запах...

 

Я попробовала свои духи, и они тоже были без запаха!

 

Я распылила чистящее средство и почувствовала запах, но потом прочитала, что это не считается...

 

Мой муж заказал десерты вместе с ужином, но когда я откусила эклер и другие пирожные, они были безвкусными! Я ощущала все текстуры, но не более того... Все они были совершенно безвкусными!

Скорее всего, это связано с потерей обоняния...

 

Я не была уверен, смеяться мне или плакать…

 

До Суккота, когда я думала о значении потери обоняния, это была совершенно отвлеченная интересная идея... Я читала сообщения друзей, обсуждающих, как вернуть их запах, но это звучало не так уж страшно... Но теперь, когда я это испытала... это действительно было страшно!

 

Я не ожидала такой реакции. Я отчаянно хотела вернуть обоняние!

 

Я прочитал сообщение в Интернете, где кто-то сказал «не смейтесь», потому что «никто не может понять этого, пока это не случится с ними...» В точку!

 

Слава Б-гу, я была так благодарна за то, что чувствую себя хорошо, и что у меня нет ничего серьезного! Но это все равно было не весело... Я чувствовала себя менее «живой»...

 

Единственное, что помогло – это совет мужа не думать об этом – это действительно сработало;) и, с тех пор, Барух Ашем, ощущение начало возвращаться ко мне!

 

А пока... Я благодарна за этот новый опыт...

 

В тот момент, когда я почувствовала: «Ваууууу, как же это здорово!» … Не думаю, что когда-либо благодарил Ашема за обоняние, я никогда не осознавала, насколько драгоценно и важно это чувство… Как много мы воспринимаем как должное!

 

И как только я поняла это…

 

Кто знает, насколько острее может быть каждое из наших чувств?

Кто знает, насколько на самом деле ярче прекрасный сад Б-га?

Скорее всего, ВСЕ наши чувства сильно притуплены галутом!

Знаем ли мы вообще, как должны пахнуть настоящие цветы?

Знаем ли мы вообще, каким должен быть вкус настоящих фруктов и овощей?

И кто знает, сколько еще измерений возможно?!.

Шестое чувство, седьмое чувство, восьмое чувство?..

 

О, запахи, которые нас ждут, вкусы, которые нас ждут, виды, звуки…

 

Видеть Б-жественность,

слышать Б-жественность,

касаться Б-жественности,

ощущать вкус Б-жественности,

чувствовать запах Б-жественности,

ощущать этот огромный мир на каждом уровне, на каждом слое, в каждом аспекте...

 

О, как я мечтаю о том дне, когда Б-г откроет наши глаза, чтобы по-настоящему увидеть, наши уши, чтобы по-настоящему услышать, наши рты, чтобы по-настоящему попробовать, наш нос, чтобы по-настоящему обонять, наши руки, чтобы по-настоящему почувствовать, наши умы, чтобы по-настоящему осознать… Б-жественность!

 

О, какой нас ждет восторг и удовольствие!!!

 

Может быть, это способ Б-га дать нам крошечный намек на то, что мы упускаем... С каждым лишним днем, который мы проводим во тьме.

 

Потому что как еще мы можем тосковать по ароматам и цветам, которых мы даже не знали?!

 

О Б-же, мы ТАК предвкушаем то, что нас ждет!

Мы уже так готовы к Твоему Раскрытию!

 

Пожалуйста, открой наши чувства!

 

И тогда я поняла,

Вау! Ведь именно ОБОНЯНИЕ, это чувство, которого больше всего не хватает нашему миру!

 

Пророк Йешая говорит о Мошиахе, что: «Он будет нюхом чувствовать страх перед Б-гом, он не будет судить зрением своих глаз или слухом своих ушей...» Именно Его обоняние идентифицирует Его как Мошиаха!

 

Согласно Зоару, Его обоняние превосходит Его качества мудрости и понимания. Он сможет судить только по Своему обонянию!

 

И на каком-то уровне каждый из нас сможет сделать то же самое – благодаря раскрытию искры Мошиаха, которая находится внутри каждого из нас!

 

У каждого из нас появится новое обоняние, о котором мы даже не подозревали...

Новое духовное чувство, усиленная связь с нашими собственными душами...

 

И как интересно, что наш новый год «81» соответствует еврейскому слову אף, что означает гнев, но также означает «нос»!

 

Потому что это год, когда явный «гнев» Вс-ышнего превратится в год аромата – год, когда будет явлен царь Мошиах и будет судить весь мир с помощью обоняния.

 

Когда Он превзойдет всякую мудрость и понимание в вынесении Своего вердикта – решив, что все мы достойны высшего добра и благословения, истинного и полного Избавления прямо сейчас!!!

 

אף ...

«Даже»,

«Гнев»,

«Нос»,

Какое странное слово... Так много значений и коннотаций... Все как-то связаны, при этом не все однозначно положительны...

 

Но кто знает, возможно, потеря или искажение нашего обоняния является частью космического растворения и расшифровки букв אף в פא.

 

תהא שנת פלאות אראנו

 

Это будет год явленных чудес!!!

 

Пусть это произойдет немедленно!!!

It’s not over for Anyone until it’s over for Everyone

So this week, the girls have LIVE school and the boys have ZOOM, but it seems they’d rather switch 😆

Last night, when I told Levi (4 years) that he has ZOOM tomorrow, he said, (in Yiddish), “Zoom? Zoom? Again Zoom? I don’t want zoom! I want to go INSIDE the school. Like “INSIDE”...”

But this morning, when we started to hurry Nechamale to get ready for LIVE school, she wasn’t excited either. She said, “I can’t keep switching like this - one week school, one week zoom.. it needs to be at least by month. One month school. One month Zoom.”

And Chayale decided she doesn’t want to go to Gan today either, so she stayed home with the boys 🤷‍♀️

And I totally get all of them! 

At first, when I got back my antibodies test with very high results, 🎉 I felt this awesome sense of freedom, like a personal family Redemption. I thought, “That’s it, no more fear of infecting others, no more quarantine, no more masks... it’s over for us now. I can go anywhere, I can do anything, 😅... (at least for a while).” 

But I quickly realized that a “personal” Redemption holds very little weight - we need the true and complete Redemption for EVERYONE! 

There is no “antibodies” pass. 

Wherever I went, I was still asked to wear a mask.

After a month of being home- (half for extended holidays, and half for quarantine), the schools were closed again last week, and still now for the boys...

(I think I can count on my fingers how many live school days we had in the last 8 months;)

And my cleaning lady, (who I missed a LOT during quarantine, 😆) didn’t show up yesterday cuz she was helping her sister, who had symptoms, get tested for corona..

And we still can’t travel without special permission to re-enter the country.. 

And most importantly, we still have LOTS of people we care about to pray for, and LOTS and LOTS of seeming mess in this world...

So Bottom line: 

It’s not over for ANYONE until it’s over for EVERYONE! 

Geulah Protis (personal Redemption) is kind of nice, but it’s not at all TRUE or COMPLETE, without the Geulah klolis! (GLOBAL Redemption)

As covid-19 taught us,

We are all so connected, 

We are ALL in the same boat...

And we all share the same desire,

WE WANT MOSHIACH NOW!!!

Итак, на этой неделе у девочек есть началась обычная школы, а у мальчиков – по ZOOM, но, похоже, они предпочли бы поменяться)

Вчера вечером, когда я сказала Леви (4 года), что завтра у него ZOOM, он сказал (на идиш): «Zoom? Зум? Опять зум? Я не хочу зум! Я хочу пойти ВНУТРЬ школы. Как «ВНУТРИ» ... »

Но сегодня утром, когда мы начали торопить Нехамале готовиться к офлайн школе, она тоже не обрадовалась. Она сказала: «Я не могу продолжать так переключаться – одна неделя в школе, одна неделя в зуме… это должно быть как минимум по месяцам. Месяц – в школе. Месяц – в Zoom».

А Хаяле решила, что сегодня она тоже не хочет идти в Ган, поэтому осталась дома с мальчиками)

И я полностью понимаю их всех!

Сначала, когда я получила результат теста на антитела с очень высокими результатами, я почувствовала это потрясающее ощущение свободы, как личное семейное Избавление. Я подумала: «Вот и все, больше никакого страха заразить других, никакого карантина, никаких масок… теперь для нас все закончилось. Я могу пойти куда угодно, я могу делать все, что угодно... (по крайней мере, на время)».

Но я быстро поняла, что «личное» Избавление имеет очень небольшой вес – нам нужно истинное и полное Избавление для КАЖДОГО!

Нет пропуска для «антител».

Куда бы я ни пошла, меня все равно просили носить маску.

После месяца пребывания дома (половина на продленных каникулах и половина на карантине) на прошлой неделе школы снова закрылись, и все еще закрыты для мальчиков ...

(Думаю, я могу сосчитать по пальцам, сколько обычных школьных дней у нас было за последние 8 месяцев;)

И моя уборщица (по которой я ОЧЕНЬ скучала во время карантина) не пришла вчера, потому что она помогала своей сестре, у которой были симптомы, пройти тест на корону...

И мы по-прежнему не можем путешествовать без специального разрешения на повторный въезд в страну...

И, что наиболее важно, у нас все еще есть МНОГО людей, которые нам дороги, за которых мы молимся, и МНОГО-МНОГО кажущегося беспорядка в этом мире ...

Итак, итог:

Это не заканчивается НИ ДЛЯ КОГО, пока не закончится для ВСЕХ!

Геула Пратит (личное избавление) совсем неплохо, но это совсем не ИСТИННОЕ или ПОЛНЕ без Геула клалит! (ГЛОБАЛЬНОЕ Избавление)

Как нас научил covid-19, мы все настолько связаны, мы ВСЕ в одной лодке...

И все мы разделяем одно желание, МЫ ХОТИМ МОШАХА СЕЙЧАС!!!

Do we Really Want Moshiach

B”H

DO WE REALLY WANT MOSHIACH?

Every time we learn the famous sicha of koach nissan, the same question always comes up, “How is it possible that since the Rebbe said those words, there weren’t even 10 Yidden who REALLY truthfully cried out Ad Mosai?! There definitely were way more than ten!

Just one of many many examples, is the video of the woman who painfully cried out to the Rebbe right after the sicha,

“I want Moshiach! I want my son back!...”

It’s obvious that she meant those words with her whole heart and soul!

And since then there have been hundreds or even thousands of such cries!

How can it be that Moshiach still hasn’t come?

I still don’t know the answer, and Hashem has absolutely no excuse at all for delaying the Geulah this long!! He owed it to us years ago and it seems to me like a big mistake that He hasn’t taken us up on the many perfect opportunities we gave Him for this, especially like this past Pesach...!

Hashem has A LOT to answer for when Moshiach comes!!!

But to myself, and only to myself, (Hashem, this post is not written to you!,) I say that, “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results.”

Something is clearly wrong with the way we are wanting Moshiach. We have no choice but to go deeper and ask, “Maybe what we’ve been wanting until now, wasn’t really Moshiach, but something else?”

Did the mother in that video really want Moshiach, or did she really want her son back?

What if her son was never taken away, would she still want Moshiach so badly? What if there was some other way to bring him back without the whole Geulah package, would she still need Moshiach, or would that be good enough?

And the same is true for so many other reasons that we cry out for Moshiach.

If it’s because we need an escape from the physical and emotional pain of Golus, is that considered wanting Moshiach, or just wanting the current hardships to disappear? And will such reasons for wanting Moshiach be emes, which means consistent? Or will they keep changing along with all our highs and our lows, our good days and our bad days?

They tell a story of a man with a large amount of money in a certain bank, who happened to bump into the bank owner, and ask him how he’s doing.

The owner sighed and answered that he’s waiting for Moshiach!

The man quickly rushed to the bank to pull out all of his money, and sure enough the next day, he heard the news that the whole bank chain just went bankrupt.

When the bank owner confronted him about how he knew this insider's information, he replied, “It’s you who made it obvious that there must be a big problem with the bank! Why else would you suddenly be talking about Moshiach?!”

It’s supposed to be a joke, but perhaps many of us have been like that bank owner who only felt the need for Moshiach when times were really black?

Even if the main reason I want Moshiach is because I want to see the Rebbe, and I want my kids to see the Rebbe.. Does that mean that I really want Moshiach? Did we not need Moshiach to take us out of galus before gimmel tammuz? And before chof zayin adar?

And even if the main reason I want Moshiach is because I don’t want the Rebbe to suffer, and I want the Rebbe to be truly happy, and to see His dream and life shlichus finally come to fruition, does that mean that I really want Moshiach or that I just don’t want the Rebbe to be in pain?

What if theoretically we could make the Rebbe truly happy even while we remained in golus, would we no longer need Moshiach?

That’s exactly what the Rebbe was frustrated about on Chof Ches Nissan - that we only cry out because we are told to. In other words, that we only ask for Moshiach to try to please the Rebbe... We are meant to also truly want it for ourselves.

And if today it especially pains me that 770 is closed, and that the Ohel is almost empty, and that shuls and schools all over the world are shut down, and that so many people are suffering from illness, or from loss, or from economic loss, or emotional stress, and anxiety and fears... does that mean that I really want Moshiach?

Did the world not need Moshiach before the virus? And if someone would find the magic cure for the virus today, and the world could truly return to “normal” tomorrow, would we no longer need Moshiach as urgently?

If we want Moshiach as an escape from our problems, and if that kind of motivation for crying “ad mosai” is what it would have taken to make Hashem send the Geulah, there have sadly been way darker times in our history, when Yidden have no doubtedly cried out from even greater depths...

We’re taught that while that kind of crying out was good enough to bring about geulas mitzrayim, Hashem clearly needs something deeper for our Geulah...

One of the first classes that I taught on relationships was from JLI soulmates course on “Why Marry?”. In it, there was a list of all sorts of reasons why people want to marry, (like to have children, to be part of a nuclear family, for emotional support, financial security, etc) and the point of the lesson was that while all those are great side benefits  of marriage, they should never be the foundational motive of why we want to marry.

Technically, we can have all those things without marriage. And even if we can’t, none of those are ever a good reason to marry someone.

And even worse than any of those listed reasons -  imagine someone wanted to marry you mainly because they can’t stand living in their parent’s house any longer, or can’t stand the shidduch scene any more, or just want to finally make their impatient mother and grandmother happy and proud....

Would you accept such a proposal?

Or do you want to marry someone who may already have a great life, but feels something is missing because you are the other half of his soul, and he wants to be with YOU. He wants to really get to know you and have an intimate relationship with you, and share every part of his life with you? That while he will surely enjoy many side benefits by marrying you, none of those are the reason for his proposal.

This morning I got to have a 15 minute Moshiach learning call with a friend that we signed up for on learnmoshiach.com/join. We are trying to slowly learn the 1st Sicha of the dvar malchus booklet based on the Rambam, that I was lucky to receive from the Rebbe when I was a little girl.

The last point that we learned today made me realize that wanting Moshiach for the right reason is not only a nice bonus, but actually a Halacha.

The Rebbe explains that the reason the Rambam in hilchos melachim only focuses on Moshiach’s role to restore Torah and Mitzvos like in the times of Dovid Hamelech, and not on all of Moshiach’s other great qualities, is because our faith in Moshiach and our reason for waiting for him needs to be not (only) for him to take us out of galus, but for him to bring about the return of all the mitzvos. The whole purpose of Moshiach being appointed and of Him gathering all the Yidden and building the Beis Hamikdash - is to make it possible for us to fully keep all 613 Mitzvos like before. 

“It was for this alone that the chachamim desired Moshiach.”

We’re not supposed to believe in and await Moshiach as an escape or a vacation, but as a time when we will finally be able to see and know and unite with Hashem.

Even on a good galus day, even on the best galus day, we are still living in the dark, we are still living in a world of lies, we are still so far from connecting with Hashem as we are meant to.

What seemed to pain the Rebbe the most of all, is that after all His efforts, we are still in a “galus prati in our avodas Hashem.”

Perhaps this is one of the meanings of “Lekabel penei Moshiach tzidkeinu” - to receive the pnimiyus of Moshiach. To desire not just the external benefits of Moshiach, but the innermost aspect of Moshiach, the essence of what Moshiach is really all about - which is the completion of Torah and mitzvos, and for “the world to be filled with the knowledge of Hashem as the waters cover the ocean bed.”

I’ll admit that I don't yet know how to have such spiritual desires and altruistic motives, (isn’t that what we need Moshiach for?), but there was a video going around recently that I think I’m starting to relate to. In it, the Rebbe cries with so much pain and emotion after saying that, “It’s obvious why the nefesh habehamis wants Moshiach - he doesn’t want to be an animal anymore!”

Yes, the real reason I want Moshiach is because I don’t want to be an animal anymore!

I want to finally be freed from my golus prati! From my ego, from my selfish motives, from my negative traits, from the chains of my yetzer hara,

As the Rebbe cried on Yud Shvat 5711, “that each person knows in his soul that he has it..”

There’s a reason our generation was blessed with such material and spiritual freedom and abundance - it’s because Hashem wants us to be crushed from within, not crushed from without.

To be crushed by the world of lies and masks...

To be crushed because we want the TRUTH to finally be revealed to the whole world!

What’s the kuntz to want Moshiach for selfish or side reasons?

How is that different than serving avodah zara?

How is that different than serving Hashem for gan eden?

But the Rebbe teaches that it IS totally different - because Moshiach is not about us.

It’s about Hashem’s desire to have a home in this world.

It’s about reaching the ultimate purpose and intent of all His creation.

Although it’s the time that we’ll receive our reward, it’s not about the reward.

Although it will be the time of freedom from all material concerns, that’s only to allow us the peace of mind to pursue the knowledge of Hashem.

Although it’s the time we’ll be experiencing the greatest pleasure humanly possible, that will just be the reflection of the ultimate joy and pleasure that we finally cause Hashem to experience.

The truth is that this still doesn’t answer the question, because Chassidus teaches us that, “Mitoch shelo lishma, ba lishma.” - Within every selfish motivation, there is a selfless motivation.

So no matter why we each think we want Moshiach, deep down we all really truly want Him for the right reasons, and so Hashem has no excuse at all to chv keep us waiting even one second longer!!!

May Hashem finally allow Moshiach to be fully anointed, to gather us all together, and to build the 3rd Beis Hamikdash in Yerushalyim, NOW MAMASH!!

Our Simcha is not Complete

Yesterday, I overheard my daughter leaving a voice note to her friend,

“… My mother’s sister is getting married tonight, but we can’t go because of the virus, so we are gonna make the wedding in our house… My father already paid for tickets to fly, we even made gowns, but now we can’t go to my aunt’s wedding, that’s so sad…”

Of course she cried when I first told her last week… so did I. And of course she was in denial at first… so was I.

But B”H that as of now, my kids are still naive - what’s sad for her is only that she couldn’t go to the wedding. I’m glad that she doesn’t yet know about the tragic news in anash, about the overwhelming tehillim list, about the whole world in fear, about the panic in the air… 

And I thank Hashem that in the middle of this dark nightmare, there is still such great light and joy and kindness and beauty! 

But I feel that us not being able to fly in for the wedding

Is just our small way of somehow expressing

What at most simchas till now, we have been partly forgetting - 

That even at the peak of our simchas and joy

We are still in deep pain, we still feel the void

On one side we feel the greatest bliss as we watch our dreams come true

No words can express our happiness and overflowing gratitude

But even as we celebrate with laughter and song

We don’t forget Yerushalayim, and it’s NOT just empty words!

I’m reminded of the message of Ches Nissan, Mem Hay

Cuz their wedding was originally planned for that day

When the Rebbe cried out asking, “How could it be,

That Yidden are sitting in Golus so comfortably?

Saying life is good - both physically and spiritually

We’ve survived it so long until now, there’s no rush to leave.

The Rebbe there said that we must learn from Menashe

Who brought their Karban on Ches Nissan - two cows instead of one 

Because their family was split on two sides of the Yarden

To show that life in Golus is simply not an option.

While all the other Shvatim were excited to finally enter the Land

Menashe wanted to remember that this isn’t the real plan

We need all 10 lands on BOTH sides for us to feel complete Simcha,

They split their family on PURPOSE to show their desire for Geulah

Yes they’ve waited 40 years to finally reach this day

But they didn’t forget that they’ve only arrived half way.

The Rebbe said it’s US that are at fault for Moshiach’s delay,

Cuz we were too ashamed to say we need Moshiach right away

And the ripple effect of us not crying out loud for Moshiach NOW

Is what made it possible for other Yidden to say Golus is good somehow

Plan A would’ve been for each of us to feel the *spiritual* pain and lack 

That no matter how good things were in golus, it was all NOTHING in fact

Cuz the inner pleasure of atik that awaits us, is immeasurably greater

No joy we have seen in history can even remotely compare!

I wish we didn’t need corona, to remind us of what we knew all along

That we’ve been sitting in this Golus for just way too long

It’s time to put the HOLY crown, right back where it belongs

It’s time to ask our King to take us out of here, with song! 

No, we are not foolish - we won’t give in to doubts and fears

We have not forgotten all that we’ve been taught over these years

We won’t put our trust in doctors or medicines or soaps

We know we can’t protect ourselves by hiding with false hopes.

Even though we try our best to save lives by staying home

We know we have no one to rely on, except Hashem alone!

We know that all of nature is nothing more than an illusion,

Our tree of life is TORAH, and our connection to Hashem.

And what is it that Hashem wants? What is He waiting for?

It seems clear He wants us each to reveal our essence & core,

To unite with Him in love, to desire His Revelation,

And to unite with every Jewish soul, to heal all separation!

The Rebbe explained to us the lesson from Queen Esther,

When the lives of all the Jewish people were in danger

When her own life, both physical and spiritual, were at risk,

She didn’t count on her high position to be the quick fix, 

She didn’t spend 3 days thinking of makeup and a dress

She didn’t try to look her best by eating well and getting rest.

She knew that her salvation will come from Hashem and Him alone,

So she fasted for 3 days, and asked all Jews to atone.

Although that made her less attractive according to the laws of nature,

Hashem was with her because of it, and THAT is what saved her!

The good news is that this is not just another horrid craze,

The good news is that our world is now in transition stage,

Of all the quotes going around there was one that rang most true,

The world is closed for construction, good times are coming soon!

The world will not just go back to the way it was before,

How would that ever justify the many lives it tore?!

We’re not in this to just survive, not just waiting for it to pass,

We’re waiting for the hidden blessing to become fully manifest! 

We are just moments before the birth of a great new world that will

Revive those who passed on, and heal those who are ill

Remove all the fears, and unite us all as one,

Make us want to thank Hashem for all that He has done!

It feels like it’s a curse, it feels like a descent,

But we know that it’s to lead us to the ultimate ascent!

Cuz we have a promise from our Rebbe, and his clear PROPHECY, 

There is no room for doubt! Moshiach we’ll soon see!

It’s not a question of IF, it’s only a question of when

But time has run out, 70 years is a gen!

We are moments before the birth of a new beautiful world,

The world that our dear Rebbe has dreamed of all along 

Yes, these are crazy times, but it’s transition stage of birth, 

On this day of Chof Zayin Adar, let’s PULL heaven down to earth! 

United we stand, we all let go of any hate,

We want Moshiach NOW, we can’t bear to wait!!! 

No two minds think alike, and we’re both right, and it’s ok!

But one thing we ALL agree on - we need Moshiach here TODAY!!